This piece was inspired by a post I saw where a woman stated that she was fed up with people using the law of attraction (LOA) to blame victims and give perpetrators a pass.
I’ve heard this sentiment expressed a lot.
Personally, I think the law of attraction has gotten a bad rep.
Don’t get me wrong, there is an “ugly side” of LOA.
I’ve seen LOA used by perpetrators of abuse to justify their harmful behaviors and avoid taking accountability for their transgressions. I’ve also seen victims of abuse use LOA to justify their own mistreatment and remain in toxic situations. I was really good at that one.
Like any teaching, there are people who will use LOA to excuse and perpetuate shitty, immoral, abusive, and toxic behavior.
On the flip side, I have personally found LOA to be one of the most empowering and useful teachings in my own soul retrieval and self-mastery work.
I want to speak on my experience with the law of attraction, specifically, how it helped me heal from sexual trauma.
Alright, so let’s start with a very simple definition of the law of attraction (LOA) for those who are completely new to this concept.
The premise of LOA is that life isn’t happening to us, but REPSONDING to us. Life, our day to day experiences, are simply mirrors or projections of our beliefs and our energy/emotions. In short, LOA posits that YOU are the creator of your reality. Everything and everyone around you is responding to your energy.
With that said, you can probably see the slippery slope that is LOA and how it can be used to blame victims. This would sound like-
What happened to you is of your own doing. So, instead of pointing the finger at someone else, take responsibility for yourself and for what you created.
Well. . . essentially, yes. Based on a very literal understanding and application of LOA, this statement is accurate, but, it’s not the full equation.
Here’s my story,
I have a lengthy history of sexual trauma that physically began around the age of 5.
In fact, it was my desire to heal from my trauma that led me on my spiritual path.
I got to a point where I concluded that I could never fully heal from sexual trauma. The best I could hope for, I decided, was to learn how to cope. Shortly after entering this apathetic state, I was introduced to energy healing and LOA, which turned out to be the missing link in my healing work.
What I came to realize was that I was living on autopilot. In fact, most of folks are.
Majority of people are stuck in a loop-- acting out, replaying, and recreating their pain and trauma. And they have no clue, no awareness of what’s happening.
To me, the beauty of LOA is that it makes the hidden, subconscious, or shadow aspects of ourselves more accessible and visible. When you adopt the belief that this reality is a mirror and that everything you experience is only a reflection of your mindset, and even more so, your energetic state, it forces you to explore deeper parts of yourself, the parts you can’t and don’t want to see.
In exploring and applying LOA to my life, I learned to ask myself questions like:
What part of me desired that experience?
What core belief do I have that this experience validates or supports?
What is the lesson in this experience?
In applying LOA to my history with sex and violence/abuse, these were the most impactful realizations:
I was raised by wolves. As a child, many of the men around me were sexual predators and had a deep seated hatred for women. This was the behavior and energy I knew best and became very comfortable around. And this was the behavior I either mimicked in my relationships or attracted to me. It’s astounding to reflect on my dating and sexual experiences as a teen and young adult. I flocked to predatory men and opened up to them with such ease. I was right at home! As you can imagine, I got into some fucked up situations, which always left me so hurt and confused.
There was also my deep insecurity and low self-esteem, which made me desperate for romantic/sexual attention from men, as it boosted my sense of value. Basically, I was hella thirsty. I don’t know if there’s anything more a predatory man loves than a thirsty woman with low self-esteem. Easy prey. From this space of insecurity and desperation, I allowed vampires into my space to fill the void of self-love and to fulfill my desire for attention and love.
And it’s all OK!
I can write and speak about these things without shame, guilt, sadness, or remorse. I forgave myself a looong time ago. It sure as hell wasn’t easy, oh! but it was a necessary part of my healing and soul retrieval.
I know firsthand how uncomfortable and frightening it is to deep dive into your psyche and shine a light on those unconscious, masochistic, and self-defeating aspects of oneself. How outright painful it is to see how you have orchestrated or played a part in your own suffering.
Yes, LOA entails owning up for yourself and taking responsibility for yourself, but it doesn’t mean you use your faults to inflict more harm onto yourself, to further abuse yourself.
You use the truth to set yourself free.
Once I became aware of my core beliefs and the energy I was putting out that kept me in a toxic cycle, I was then able to go deeper into my healing work. For me, that is when the real work began, the work of reprogramming myself on a mental, cellular, and energetic level.
Another thing that I want to EMPHASIZE. LOA is not a get out of jail free card. It doesn’t mean that perpetrators of abusive, problematic, and toxic behavior get off the hook for their actions and it sure as hell doesn’t meant that you allow anyone to treat you any ole way. You can understand how you may have attracted a person or a situation into your life, but that doesnt mean you have to stay there!
How did I free myself from the cycle I was in? By choosing CONSCIOUS AND RIGHT ACTION. Instead of unconsciously engaging in the same self-defeating and toxic behavior, I became aware of my patterns and then I chose a different course of action. I stood in my worth. I learned to love myself, to value myself, to respect myself, first and foremost. Was it easy? FUCK NO! It took a lot of painful work. Hell, to be real, there are still things around my relationship to sex and self-value that I’m working through.
There are levels to healing and self mastery.
Let’s be real for a minute, it’s not hard to look around and see that for most people, it feels safer and easier to point the finger at everyone else. In my 7 years as a social worker, mental health counselor, spiritual teacher and Soul Guide, what I have discovered, is that most people do not want to take responsibility for themselves. Now, that’s a hard pill for a lot of people to swallow, mainly for the very people who that statement applies too, but that don’t mean it ain’t true.
What I love about LOA is that it doesn’t place the blame, but the POWER where it belongs, in your own hands! By no means am I a preacher. I’m all about people doing whatever works for them. You can believe that you are the creator of your reality and be a master, or you can believe that you have no control over what you experience and be a victim. There is no right or wrong belief, but understand that they will yield completely different results.
Personally, I have learned not to fight for my limitations.
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I'm Jamila Kani, the creatress of Black Femme Witches Brew, a ritualist, spiritual teacher, Oracle, and Soul Guide.
I have been on a magical journey of self-mastery and self-actualization for over a decade.
I spent years studying psychology, metaphysics, occult science, and energy medicine, but struggled to apply this knowledge to my life to create the changes I desired.
Fed up with the lowercase, low functioning version of myself and of my life, I was inspirited to release everything that was not in alignment with what I truly wanted, and put my magic to use! I used my knowledge to create practical, yet transformative tools and processes that would enable me to step into my power and create the life of beauty, bounty, and bliss I craved.
I am now here to share what I learned in my journey to sovereignty and empowerment.
I am eager to use my experience and wisdom to help you become the brilliant and powerful Magician (creator) that you innately are.