"in our own ways we all break. it is okay to hold your heart outside of your body for days. months. years. at a time. heal "~ Nayyirah Waheed
You feel the resistance despite a burning desire to move on.
You’re obsessed with closure, a clear cut finish line where you can think of your life in terms of
before and post tragedy. If only the universe wasn’t this intertwined or intersected. So where do we start and how can one take control of the whirlwind we call living.
"Crawl back into self, warm your bones. write yourself a love poem, welcome yourself home."~ Ijeoma Umebinyuo
Patience! Loving you takes time. It's a process of unlearning and unleashing all the toxic, distorted ways we’ve been programmed since we came into being.
We’ve been fed a stream of self sabotaging believes that rules us on a deep subconscious level. Most of us tend to remember certain incidents and highlight them as the most damaging and traumatizing chapters of our existence, but truth is, we’ve all had encounters with trauma before we knew what trauma was. We’ve all had our share of gulping certain poisons at some point in our development, and they could be the root of all the stigmas and shackles we struggle with as adults.
So what now?
At some point you’ll grow tired of consuming the same set of beliefs and convictions. You will no longer be able to fit within the default parameters, so you’ll need to expand, burst open and labor yourself through a very rough passage of transformation and dismantling. You will have to elevate and choose radicalism despite of that ever existing fear, the fear of alienation and facing lethal criticism, the fear of losing the few bonds you’ve managed to keep with people you cherish and don’t want to lose.
However, entitlement is a bitch that you might want to get rid of cause in reality, nothing or no one is owned. People will drift in and out of your life, and like the rhythms of seasons, you will go through the motions and move on. So go ahead knowing that you are your own person and at the end of the day, what matters is only what you feel on that soul deep level. That is your truth. That is where you need to find the bittersweet balance of owning your narrative and letting go of what no longer serves your current phase of development.
You are the only canvas that matters in the grand scheme of things. That is where you have the ultimate control. It may take a lifetime to feel the slightest bit of comfort or confidence in navigating the storm, but it’s alright.
You got this.
Whether you fall or rise, emerge authentically.
Ahlam Ali is an intuitive empath, seeking to heal through her words in a process of alchemy, inspired by ancestral wisdom and the unique perspective of black womanhood.