“I want to be in charge, not in control.” Iyanla Vanzant
I heard this quote on Vanzant’s “Fix My Life.”
Now, as a Leo sun, Aries moon, I LOVE power and yes, control. I’ve began to make peace with this aspect of myself.
When I heard Iyanla make the distinction between being in control and being in charge, my mind was blown.
I had to pause and do some honest self reflection.
For those of you scratching your heads (like I did at first), lets look at the definition of these two words or phrases:
Control: “to exercise restraint or direction over; dominate; command; to hold in check”
In Charge: “a position of leadership or supervision; having responsibility for.”
Have you ever heard the phrase,
“If you’re trying you’re lying”
For me, this sums up the difference between being in control and being in charge
Being in control, implies FORCE.
To control someone or something often requires great willpower or ENERGY. And most notably, it is TEMPORARY. Control is a temporary and unstable state or position that requires constant tending to or focus. And real talk, 10 times out of 9, when people are intentionally and actively trying to control something or someone, it comes from a space of perceived powerlessness or lack. The temporary sense of control or power that is gained through the willpower or energy exerted is not REAL, it is a facade.
But when you’re IN CHARGE, now this is a whole different vibration and state of being. To be in charge is to be at EASE. To be in charge is to be in ALIGNMENT with your TRUTH. Being in charge is a type of MAGNETISM and INFLUENCE.
When you are at this energetic/vibrational level of BEING there is no trying needed, you just are. The things, the situations, the people fall into formation because it’s simply what you expect AND because your own energy/vibration can ALLOW NOTHING LESS. This is METAPHYSICS at its finest.
Once you understand, I mean TRULEY know WHO YOU ARE, and LEARN HOW TO MASTER YOUR ENERGY, you will be in charge of this entire universe.
Jamila Kani is a witch of many trades. Through her collective, Black Femme Witches Brew, she co-creates spaces for black femmes to reclaim their magic and step into their power as Creators. In addition to her work with Witches Brew, Jamila is an Oracle, Ritual Practitioner, and Life and Spiritual Coach.
Find her on Instagram and Facebook @blackfemmewitchesbrew